It has been a long long time since I have posted. So many things have happened in my personal life that actually drained the creative muse right out of me.
In September, I started having tremors, shaking and lose of the use of my legs. There were no signs that would let me know when it could happen. Let me also add that I had a friend whom I considered to be my sister and she was very very ill. We moved to AZ because she did and built our home across the street from her and her hubby. Her illness was so scary to her husband that he had a nervous breakdown. So a lot fell on my shoulders. I am not in the greatest health but I started ignoring myself and trying to take care of her and took her to the doctors continuously. So naturally, my health started to deteriorate so that by the Holidays I was not up to even celebrating them. Linda, in her mental state, thought it meant that I was withdrawing from her because I didn't care about her and no amount of reasoning could convince her otherwise. I suppose this sounds selfish but I felt like a dishrag after she mentally attacked me. I knew To save myself, I had to withdraw to my corner and take care of myself. I got a call from her. She told me that since I had been the only person who ever loved her and she drove me away, she was going to make sure she was out of my life forever. God forgive me, but I got so upset that I couldn't handle her attitude and the lack of listening to what I was trying to say to her. I stopped calling her but kept in touch with her through her husband who had turned himself around at the Holidays and was now feeding her and taking care of her.
Her hubbby calleed me at the beginning of February and told me her kidneys were failing and she had a heart attack. She was in the hospital. It happened because she had stopped eating and drinking right after Christmas. Her kidneys rebounded and she came home. She was supposed to get her heart checked immediately after her kidneys had rebounded but she refused. The following Friday, she was rushed to the hospital again but Jack came over here instead of going to the hospital. He wanted me to back him on putting her in a rehab. I said she needed to find out what happened to her heart. I forced him to go to the hospital but I was sick and didn't go. She had told the ER that she was fine so they discharged her. Grrrrr. Had I been there I would have insisted that they check her in for her heart. Jack fought with them about the rehab and took her home. The next night at 11:30, he called and told me she was gone. I ran across the street and into the house. I didn't notice the police were there. I felt her and she was still warm and I begged and pleaded with her to come back. The policeman told me she was gone and there was nothing I could do. I just laid on the bed holding her for five hours until the ME came. Then I went home.
Two hours later, I was admitted to the hospital with Influenza B and a temperture of 103.2 f. That night I had a dream that Linda was tugging at me to come with her and I was telling her that I couldn't go yet. The nurse and Alan (my hubby) told me they thought they had lost me but I had come out of it. It was unbelievable how many people were in my room. People had to gown up when they came into my room. It was really scary. I was in for a week and told that I was still very sick but if I could act like I was still as restricted as if I was in the hospital I could go home. They told me that I wouldn't get better if I lost myself in grief. It is so very hard to try to concentrate on getting better when you just lost the main character of your life. This happened in February. I am still ill and probably will be for another couple of months but I am coming down from the planet I have been living on and starting to live a new life without Linda (after 51 years.)
I started Paint Shop Pro lessons up again so that I could concentrate on something other than poor me. Then in May, I got the opportunity to get certified in Copics so that I could teach them. I went ahead and did that. It may have been the healthiest thing I did for myself in a long time. I thought I could start stamping again. Stamping has always been my passion.
Then, I got a call from the wife of my most life altering friend, Jim, to tell me that he was very ill and would probably end up in a rehab. We talked a long time and there was a lot of emotion in there. All I could think was "Thank God" I saw him and her when I had gone back to Boston in 2007. All they had were each other. He died the following Monday. Another strike for the Home Team. He had been living on borrowed time for quite awhile and his last ten years were his happiest ever. This probably helped me.
Immediately I signed up for a swap in a yahoo group that I am in. It was a Dog swap. You send to the name above you and the name below you. I forced myself in a corner so that I had to stamp. I will post the pictures of the cards in the next posting.
I pray for the strength of mind to get my blog going again along with the consulting business with The Angel Company. They are truly a wonderful Company to work for and I am very grateful to them.
Thanks for all who have read this far. I care so deeply for all of you who followed my blog and hope you come back!
